Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize