So drunk its hurt
You work out of a Hotel?
It's Friday. Sex?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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