Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
