the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
