I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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