So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
