just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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