man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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