I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
