forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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