ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
