please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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