he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
