The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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