...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
