How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
