True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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