I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
