I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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