I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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