honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
