I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
