I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
