I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
