On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
