he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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