I just threw up on my dentist
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
