y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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