Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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