me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
