yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
