When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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