i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
