Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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