everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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