I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
