the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
