It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
