I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
