I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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