it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
