he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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