Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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