I just made out with a guy for $7.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
