fuck your aforementioned shoe
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
