How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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