dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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