My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
