i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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