then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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