Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
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