my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
