i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
