Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
People in love make me want to vomit
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
