you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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