Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
