We won't sleep together?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
