i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
