My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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