I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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