I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize