Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
