I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
