I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
