just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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