I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
