She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
