shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
